As we’ve already learned, this year has seen me transition into the role of “full-fledged grown up.” [jump for joy!]
But let me tell you: adulthood is not what I pictured.
See, as a kid of 6 who longed to be a farmer [because, you know, baby ducks are cute…and what the hey, it sounded like fun], I imagined that even in adulthood my parents would be there to make decisions for me. I mean, they made most decisions for me at that point in life, so naturally that was an indication of what would happen for the rest of my days, right? Wrong.
And, when I matured into adolescence, I remember people asking me: “Where will you live when you’re an adult?” Well, I would naturally scoff and tell them, [pre-teen hair flip] “Wherever my husband wants to live, duh!” See, I abandoned the silly notion that my parents would make decisions for me as an adult, but instead adopted the idea that my big, strong, sure-to-exist-by-the-time-I-was-20 man would be calling the shots. Wrong again.
Yeah. Adulthood isn’t quite shaking out how I thought it would.
I’ve talked to quite a few friends recently who have gone through similar mental adjustments in the process of growing up. See, I never imagined this stage of life looking the way it does for me right now.
How do I say this…? I always thought I would benefit from the freedoms of adulthood without having to worry about the responsibilities.
Obviously I knew that adulthood brought with it electric bills and car repairs and loan payments [oh-so-many loan payments]. But I didn’t think I’d be the one having to worry about those things.
Instead, I thought I’d just get to take advantage of the good stuff like having a kick-butt apartment and not having to go to school and making [relatively] lots of money.
I wanted the freedoms but didn’t imagine that I’d have to take on the responsibilities.
We can go ahead and blame this on my obtuseness or my millennial-ness or whatever. Obviously there was some logical disconnect there. But honestly, I always imagined that by this stage of life there would be someone else around to take care of those not-so-fun responsibilities.
I’m glad that hasn’t been the case. Taking on both the responsibilities and freedoms of adult life on my own has taught me so much. There is a sense of self-confidence that comes from knowing that I can reasonably deal with the task of, you know, keeping myself alive. Handling all these responsibilities has also given me a greater sense of dependence on God to provide where otherwise I have relied on others.
And yeah, I get to enjoy the freedoms of adulthood, too, which has been great. It’s my prerogative to make some of these decisions for myself. If I want to have bacon for dinner, ain’t nobody gonna stop me!
But you see, I’ve learned an even greater lesson than that. These were responsibilities I would have had to learn to deal with no matter what. If I were married or if I had moved back in with my parents [assuming, of course, that my family actually had a home…we’re loveably nomadic in that way], I still would have had to take on the responsibility of adulthood. It’s not something you escape just because other people share in the burden. The lesson of handling adult responsibilities isn’t a lesson that is exclusive to those living on their own.
Are there days that I wish I had someone else figuring it out for me? Absolutely!
But I have to stop and realize in these moments that there are so many people figuring it out with me, and that’s a beautiful thing.
It’s a beautiful thing when Gina and Rachel send me recipes each week for things like cronuts and brussel sprout tacos and root beer ice cream that I never would have thought to try otherwise.
It’s a beautiful thing when I can call my parents and get their advice on whether or not my car will survive the cross-country road trip I am planning this summer, despite the 250,000 miles it already has on it.
It’s a beautiful thing when Kelley and I have to scrape together our rent money each month and pay our adorable Italian landlord so that we can continue to live in our kick-butt apartment.
It’s a beautiful thing when I get to figure out life as an adult alongside dozens of other friends also figuring out what it means to walk faithfully through this season of life.
The Long Way Round 